something just like this
When I quit my job with six months’ notice on October 26th, I knew I had made the right decision because I woke up the next day without a holy-hell-what-have-I-done hangover and zero regrets. However, because smarter people than me care about my well-being, the quitting was short-lived and instead became a one-year leave of absence. To say that I am blessed would be absurd; it’s so much more than that.
To avoid my coworker finding me slumped over and totally dead at my desk, I knew it was necessary to step away. He had to walk me to emerg once before, and I couldn’t bear the thought of him having to deal with my corpse after what I had already put him through. Also, I’m not sure if it’s possible to be angry in The Good Place (absolutely where I am going), but I know I would have simmered with rage and regret for all eternity if my ending was tits up at work from stress and an unmanifested dream. Let’s be real; I’d have unleashed a serious shit-fit at the pearly gates once I realized where I was. Not today, Satan, was what I thought as I fired my resignation email to my manager. It was time to re-ignite my insides and feel the bliss of being alive by flying into the dream that had held my soul since I was many decades younger.
My last day of work was April 28th, and on May 5th, my friends Tiffany and Wayne and I boarded a Dreamliner destined for Paris and set off on an epic European adventure. A plan that had been brewing for a year was finally a reality. We plane, train, and automobile’d our way through 3 different countries and multiple cities and embraced the chaos and beauty of the old world with humour, confusion, awe, and utter exhaustion.
We played the slots at the Casino de Monte-Carlo in Monaco, hiked to the top of a super volcano without our hearts ceasing, drank a whole lot of wine on a dock overlooking the Grand Canal, silently took in the space between the walls that housed and almost saved the Frank family and their friends, enjoyed a boisterous family dinner amongst new and old friends as the sun sank behind the horizon of the breathtaking Italian countryside, and marvelled at the sheer beauty of the Mediterranean Sea and how lucky we were to be there. Our days were full not just of adventure but appreciation for each other and the story we would tell again and again. GET OFF THE BUS, and Bob-who-DID-NOT-STOP-TALKING will forever be etched in our collective memories and hearts.
Twenty-two days later, we parted ways at Charles du Galle airport, where it all began, and while they started the long journey home, I took the train back to Paris and settled in.
My weeks in Paris were filled with simple pleasures and smiles I simply could not contain. Determined to improve my speaking of the French language, I made a linguistic fool of myself every chance I could. Unlike in Rome, though, I didn’t mistakenly thank any of my male servers for the excellent sex we had. Imagine my surprise when I found out what I said because under no circumstance would it have been good.
Though I had to fight for my life every time I crossed a street, I was mesmerized by the history, beauty, and magic I discovered around every corner. I found exactly what I needed while there. It’s as though I finally exhaled all the pain my body and heart had been holding onto for the past few years and inhaled a new state of being. The loss of my dad and stepmom, and the horror surrounding it all, had taken a concerning toll. I needed and wanted to let go of what was never mine to hold. So that’s what I did. And man, does it ever feel good.
From Paris, I moved on to Spain. When I arrived in Barcelona, the first thing I saw when I walked out of the train station was a KFC, and I am still laughing about it. Besides that, nothing was at all what I expected. It was uniquely stunning, and after the madness of Paris, the calm and tranquillity of the city was a welcomed reprieve.
About five years ago, my dad told me I needed to visit the Sagrada Familia. I trusted he was right, so I saved the website in my favourites on my phone, and it’s been there ever since. I couldn’t believe it when I finally pieced together that I was standing in front of it on Father’s Day. It was a mere coincidence that I was there, and I couldn’t help but think that he had somehow guided me so I could feel his presence for the first time since he left. I did, and it was beautiful.
A couple of days later, my cousin and I went on a tour of the inside. As my dad once said, go see the Sagrada Familia!
After Barcelona, I went to Alicante, Spain, back to Barcelona and then to Tarragona, Spain. This blog would be a million words long if I described it all, so all I will say is that my soul was fully lit while there with my friends and family. I tasted wine that shook my soul, ate food that still has my taste buds longing for more, and spent time with some Brits who made me do nothing but laugh. Well, when I could actually understand what they were saying.
From there, I went to Scotland, then England and then Germany.
While on this trip, I spent time with family, met up with old friends and made new ones. But capturing the impact of it all in this format is impossible because each person and experience meant so much to me. I could not do it justice without writing a 1000-word essay about each individual. But love, lots of love; that is what I’ve got in my heart for all of them.
On July 15th, I arrived back home in Canada. I needed to renew my passport, rest some very achy feet, and see my family and friends. I was home for only five days before boarding another flight. But that flight took me to a friend I hadn’t seen in 20 years, and when we hugged, it was as though only minutes had passed.
After returning and spending a week at home and catching up with as many people as possible, I packed up and headed out on a road trip, which I am currently on. This one has been dedicated to my family. At my uncle’s house, we talked into the wee hours of the night and watched the stars take their place in the sky, swam in the warmth of Skaha Lake, and enjoyed the gift of being together. We are doing the same at my mom and Robert’s house, enjoying one another with delicious food, laughter, good conversation, and games. It’s been a blessing to be together as the wildfires tear across our country. Time is precious, that we know.
The goal of this time off was to find my way back. To find peace and experience the joy of being exactly where I am. And, more importantly, who I am. That’s it. It will be my greatest success and a dream come true if I accomplish that.
Soon, I will take to the skies and set foot on a new path. As I prep for the next leg of this adventure, I remain open to the idea that anything is possible, good or bad. In support of my desire to continuely evolve, I am ready to absorb and learn from whatever is to be. Maybe I will come back; maybe I won’t.
All I know is that in this moment, I am free, and I am happy, and all I’ve ever truly wanted and dreamed of is,
something just like this.
46 Comments
Anonymous
Lovey this was inspiring and tearful and I want to journey with you!!
tanya
Haha thank you! I’ll do my best to write about my adventures so it’ll feel like you are with me!
Tiffany
Tanya, I am so happy that you are able to take this time for yourself. Our time together in Europe was amazing, what an absolute treat it was to share that experience with you! I look forward to hearing about your latest adventure and seeing what’s next! Love ya sista!
P.s. if you end up not coming back here after the year I will be very annoyed!
tanya
I smile every time I think about our trip. It was the best. I’m pretty sure I’ll be back but what if I run into that cab driver again? 🤷🏻♀️ I love you so much, Tiff! ❤️
Anonymous
Oh Tan! I have no words! What an adventure and I’m so pleased I got to be a part of it! You are nothing short of amazing and your bravery is astounding! Love you lots! ❤️❤️❤️❤️
tanya
Alicante will forever be in my heart; what a fabulous time with fabulous people! Thanks for being a part of it all with me, Becs. Love you tons! ❤️
Miriam
Tanya, your smiles in these gorgeous photos tell me everything. You look so happy and I can feel the joy, love and appreciation in every word you wrote. I’m so very happy for you my friend. May love, friendship, bliss and awe continue to follow you on your journeys as you continue to live out your dreams. 💜 xx
tanya
Thank you so much, Miriam. I know you understand what I am feeling. You’re out there having the time of your life, too, and I couldn’t be happier for you!! I hope all the same beautiful things follow you on your journey. Lots of love and hugs, my friend. ❤️
Miriam
❤️❤️😘
Miriam Hurdle
I can feel the joy, the free spirit, and the healing in your post, Tanya! It’s wonderful you traveled to three countries, first with your friends, the by yourself to Paris. How marvelous you could let yourself be free and welcome each day with open arms, being with family and friends and make new ones. I recognize many places you had been. My husband I went went to Spain and Barcelona was our last stop. We only saw the outside of the Sagrada Familia! Our tour didn’t include time to tour the insdie. We may go back to do that. On another trip, Good to know you went back home to renew your visa. As you continue to your next adventure, I’m sure your heart will lead your way to find yourself and take you somewhere you belong! Best wishes to you, my friend! I’ll wait for your next post. <3 <3 🙂
tanya
Thank you, Miriam! That trip was what I needed and I feel I made the most of it. I’m very blessed. If you ever get a chance to go back to Barcelona, absolutely book a tour of Sagrada Familia. I was blown away, and couldn’t have possibly imagined what it was going to be like – it was incredible! I hope you are doing well! Lots of love and hugs. xo
Miriam Hurdle
You’re welcome, Tanya! A friend took a tour of Sagrada Familia. He also said we should go back. There should be a timeline for finishing the construction but I wonder if it’ll meet that timeline.
I’m doing well. We’ll watch the grandkids on Friday so their mom and dad can have a date night.
Next weekend is the US Labor Day weekend. Hubby and I will go with my daughter’s family to the beach.
So glad to know you feel blessed and look forward to your future. Keep smiling. Love and hugs. 💖
tanya
That all sounds lovely, Miriam! Enjoy the visits and the beach! Take good care! 😘
Miriam Hurdle
Thank you so much, Tanya.😍
Mark Lanesbury
You dared to open your heart Tanya, go beyond ‘life’ behind a desk, a holding pattern indeed. I’m jealous, happy, surprised and feel what has opened to dare this journey…and proud that you bloody did it anyway. Which of course leaves me with a big smile, only self love dares those steps. Take a bow dear lady, many would still be at their desks, some thinking maybe, but for all the wrong reasons. But you my friend are laughing, with your smile or two…and just ‘know’ you have found what was lost. Big hugs and thank you for daring us to think about it too. Great post 😀❤️🙏
tanya
Aww, Mark – thank you. It was something I had been thinking about for a while, and I’m just so grateful I had the courage to do it. It’s a bit scary, but I knew it was necessary to save myself, which I feel I have done. Life is so hard and so short; I think it’s so important to grab hold of what’s possible when you get the opportunity – it may never come around again. So that’s what I did. And it’s been the best thing I ever did. Thank you for your support, Mark, you always share your wisdom, and I appreciate it very much. Big hugs right back. ❤️
Anonymous
I am so glad you are having the time of your life because you deserve it. Love you Annette
tanya
Thank you, Auntie! I am so happy you are out there having the time of your life right now, too – you’ve earned it and deserve it too! I’ll catch up with you soon, I hope. I love you lots ❤️
Anonymous
Tan, I loved every minute of this post and every single photo. You are beaming. You deserve peace and lightness and all the good the world has to offer. Now I am going to go be jealous that you and Becci got to love on each other and I missed out. Love you bunches. xo xo xox
tanya
Caron, I am pretty sure this is from you, and your words mean the world to me. I want you to know that you were missed big time in Alicante. You always make me laugh so ridiculously hard, and I know you and the gals would have totally gone off together. haha. It would be great if we get the opportunity to do it again someday. I hope you are doing well, my friend. I miss and love you so much. xoxo
anotetohuguette
What a wonderful post to read this morning, Tanya! I know your feelings well and I’m so glad you took the leap, you are truly, joyfully living…I remember when I made a similar leap and could not believe I was missing out on a Japanese maple’s journey, I saw it’s beautiful seeds for the very first time and it left me feeling awe…we miss so very much when we follow society’s expectations! My heart is full knowing that you are happy and well…
tanya
Oh man, we sure do miss out when we subscribe to what is expected instead of what we truly want. It’s so easy to fall into a routine you simply can’t get out of. I’m so very grateful I listened to the voice inside that was telling me to go. This trip has helped heal parts of me that would have never otherwise. You understand the gift of travel and what it does to your soul. It’s beautiful! Thank you so much, Kim! I hope you are busy discovering new and magical things like you do. ❤️
anotetohuguette
Summer is slowly slipping away and I feel the urge to enjoy every moment even though I love the mystery and magic that autumn brings…I hope the rest of your summer is as blissful, Tanya!
floweringink
Tanya, I Love this so much!!!!! The joy cascades through in your words and in your photos and fills me with joy for you! I hope you know how remarkable you are, how brave and bright. Your writing and your spirit are intoxicating and I feel so incredibly grateful to know you and to have the gift of learning from you. Thank you for sharing and for all the love you put into the world, and for your always exquisite writing. I adore you, Lady! Sending all the love and a huge hug!!! xoxoxo
tanya
Susan, I adore you. Thank you for always being so encouraging and supportive. I thought that the writer part of me was lost, maybe even a little dead, but I found a little spark again and it feels really damn good! I had some good material to talk about, and I don’t take that subject matter for granted for even a second. I’m truly living a dream. I’m sending you lots of love and hugs right back!! oxo
PS…I hope you post something soon. No pressure though!
Anonymous
What a heart warming read Tanya. Thankful that you joined us in Alicante – even if you couldn’t understand us ha – and wish we could have gone to Barcelona afterwards with you !! The rest of your trip sounds breath taking, or should I say has given you the opportunity to breathe deeply! I hope your next journey is as wonder-filled! Rach xxx
tanya
Aww, thank you, Rach. ❤️❤️❤️ I’m already looking forward to the next time I get to see you and have some laughs. Even if I didn’t know what you guys were saying, it made me smile. Haha. I hope we can do it all over again! Big hugs, my friend. xoxo
The Lockwood Echo
Hey Girl! Oh, this warmed the cockles of my heart. Look how happy you are! It’s literally written all over your face. I so admire your adventurous spirit. Not only did you recognise the need for this, you then made it happen. As you know, you were an inspiring force to get my own travel back on a few years ago. Unfortunately life threw me a serious curveball immediately after; then another, then another, then another……. Oh, and just a small matter of The Pandemic! But my own travel bug is biting again and I’m laying the foundations. So far that’s just been 2 solo car camping trips. But as travels will prove, Rome wasn’t built in a day! Your photos are glorious. How lovely you had the friends and family to make it all extra special. Must’ve been a comfort given your heart-wrenching losses. And what a serendipitous moment to have had at the Sagrada Familia, sometimes the Universe puts us in the right place at the right time. And you came to li’l ol’ England! I hope she was welcoming and worth the visit for you. Keep living life, drink it all in, stay true, stay adventurous 🙂 xxx
tanya
Hey you! Thank you so much. I know you have the same travel bug inside of you that I do, and it makes me so happy to hear that you ventured out and went on some solo camping trips! I love camping, but it’s one of those things I don’t do enough. I’m sorry that life has thrown so many terrible things in your direction, and I hope you’re finding your way back from it all. The pandemic has made everything that was already awful more so. My heart goes out to you. I knew that for me to heal and feel alive again, I had to go. Travelling and feeling the bliss of discovering new and exciting things has been the best medicine for my mind, body, and soul. I was desperately sad and empty before I left. I’m so blessed and grateful to be able to heal while living the dream I’ve always imagined. It feels good to be happy again – I’d forgotten what that felt like. I don’t take one moment of this for granted. I hope you continue healing and finding ways to fill your heart and soul with what you need to feel the same. I want that for you. I’m sending you so much love and oodles of hugs. Keep putting one foot in front of the other and go only forward, my friend. xoxo ❤️
PS…I love England! I lived there for a year once and had the best time. It will always have a special place in my heart 🙂
The Lockwood Echo
😘✈️🚄🚙🛳️🧳♥️
Annika Perry
Tanya, my heart is singing to hear you sounding so happy, to read that you’re finding yourself and at the same time having an amazing time! You have had the roughest of times and to see a post like this lifts my spirits! I love how you and your friends ’embraced the chaos and beauty of the old world with humour, confusion, awe, and utter exhaustion’ in Paris. I’m sending you hugs as I understand the ‘re-birth’ within you: ”It’s as though I finally exhaled all the pain my body and heart had been holding onto for the past few years and inhaled a new state of being.’ It is wonderful that you could finally visit your father’s beloved place of Sagrada Familia and I’m sure he joined you spirit there. They would want nothing more for you than to find yourself and it is a blessing that this is happening for you. Happy Travels, Adventures and Insights, my friend! xx love & hugs xx 💕💖
tanya
You are a doll, Annika – thank you so much! It’s been a rough few years, and it flattened me, so to feel the way I do now almost feels miraculous. It’s like I’ve come back from the dead but stronger than ever. What a gift this adventure has been. I know my dad was with me, and I still can’t believe I was standing there, in front of that place,
on Father’s Day. Just down the street from KFC. Haha. Sometimes, the universe leads you to where you need to be the most. What a beautiful gift to receive. I appreciate you so much, Annika and your support means the world to me. Thank you, thank you. 🙏 You are such a lovely human, and I’m glad to be a part of your world. Lots of love and hugs to you. xoxo ❤️
D. Wallace Peach
Aaah. How delightful and moving to read your words: “I am happy.” There’s something about traveling that reminds us about how big and wonderful this world is. There is immense beauty and kindness, something we lose track of when we’re stuck. And it’s there if we take that first giant step into adventure. You make me want to hop on a plane, Tanya, and I know that one day I will. Fabulous photos and smiles, and I can feel the renewal in your outlook. Now you know the secret should you feel the need to expand your horizons once again. Huge hugs, my friend.
tanya
You are so right, Diana; travelling is like medicine for the soul, and there’s simply nothing like it. It’s so strange that we seem to fight our whole lives to be happy. It’s an endless and exhausting pursuit, but it is worth it when you finally feel it. It feels amazing to say with certainty that ‘I am happy.’ I am so, so grateful and am going to enjoy every second of the months ahead and inhale every momente. I hope you get to hop on a plane and experience the same soon. Although, it looks like you did just that with your recent trip. I am so happy for you, my friend. Thank you for being beautiful you, Diana. ❤️
D. Wallace Peach
I love traveling, and my hope is to hop on a plane to Europe some day. I expect I won’t be back for months either.
Arionis
I hadn’t checked in with you for awhile and so glad I did! Had the biggest smile on my face as I read of your wonderful adventures! Hey, you hiked! Awesome! Well, our travels have finally led me to your neck of the woods and you are on the road! Not sure where but if you find yourself anywhere near Osoyoos, BC, let me know. We’ll be here the rest of the year and would love to have a meet up.
tanya
Ari!! It’s so good to hear from you. Coincidentally, I was thinking about you the other day and was wondering how you were doing. I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to know that you are travelling and in Osoyoos, of all places! I was just out that way in August, but I am back home in Victoria now. My uncle lives in Penticton, which isn’t too far from there. Man, I don’t know if I will be back out that way before you leave; I’ve got a flight booked for October 16th back to Europe. However, if I do head out to Penticton next month, I will absolutely let you know. I would LOVE a meet-up. It’s so great to know that you are doing well, my friend! As for me, I’m loving this adventure! Big hugs xo
Arionis
Please do let me know because that would be awesome! We do have family in the lower mainland so we might make a trip out there as well.
tanya
Ohhh, if you end up on the lower mainland, let me know, I’ll pop over and visit you. Fingers crossed it works out one way or another!
Arionis
Will do!
Forestwood
What a marvellous experience. Travelling often broadens one mind and offers many other benefits besides being fun! I loved reading that you visited the place your father had recommended on Fathers’ day! Amazing.
tanya
Aww, thank you so much. It was an extraordinary moment being in that place, and I’m so blessed because of it. Travelling offers the best education, in my opinion. Nothing compares to the discoveries and lessons it offers. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving such a wonderful comment! 🙂
waywardsparkles
Oh Tanya! I’m so happy and excited for you! All of the pictures were wonderful and what amazing adventures — but the light you exude, my dear, nothing compares! Keep enjoying and let us know what you’re doing or where you are once in a while! Blessings and love, Mona
tanya
Thank you, Mona! It feels like a lifetime ago already, almost not even real! But it was such a wonderful adventure and I’m so grateful I was blessed with the opportunity to go and experience all of it. I hope you are doing well! Lots of love and hugs. xoxo
Blogging_with_Bojana
I’m so happy for you. Wow, what an adventure.
tanya
Thanks, B. It was much needed, and I’m very grateful I’ve been able to take the time I need to regroup. It’s been a wild few years, and it just about wrecked me.
I’ve left comments on your posts, but they don’t appear. They disappear after I hit reply. I’ve tried doing it every which way, but no luck. Maybe they are in your spam folder or trash? I’m glad you are writing, and I hope you are doing ok. And I hope it’s finally stopped snowing over there!